Wow, this year was interesting and different. It was interesting because of the messages and how personal this testimony is. It was different because of the level of thinking that goes into processing the messages and the way God speaks.

There is so much to say!! Ahhh! Ok, one topic at a time then. hmph. Just a warning. It’s personal and long.

About my thinking life. . .haha, this one is so random, but I have to say something about it. Wow, I don't think a conference quite like this has ever gotten me thinking so much. It has screwed my life over in a good way. oh by the way, if you see me really quiet or just sitting somewhere staring off into space these past few days, that's what I’ve been doing. thinking. lol. so, yeah, God has really changed my view on my life and God. My priorities haven taken a fall too, so I need to get that re-organized. Mostly the things I've been worrying about are how to keep my heart towards God, how to change my lifestyle, and figuring out why I have certain desires and if I really need them there at all.

Messages. . .with knowledge comes pain and revelation. So these are the key points I learned: pray continually; many people are in auto-pilot; ask God about things; God and Christianity is not boring, wake up!; I am worrying about things that will perish; pastors may lie to you to keep their reputation; God is taking notes about your thought life and dreams; your life should be preparing you for a conversation about your life with God; Jesus is coming!; Salvation is fully received but not fully gained; start backwards for the vision for your life (to gain perspective on what God wants); Christianity is not a report card or a checklist; don't labor in a meaningless life; you and I CAN see God face to face and live; Satan is trying to get us to pursue what we already have; we're called to be attitudes (Matthew 5); God yearns for a connection with us; and repentance is not about 100% success, it's about going to war and fighting to overcome the thing you struggle with.

Going back to reality and discovering pain. . .so, taking all I learned above, I try to place it into my lifestyle. At MTC, I felt the need and urgency to go back and tell my friends. If I don't, their blood will be on my head in the days of judgment (according to the Bible) (it's something I don't want to happen). Evaluating the position of my school wasn't hard at all. I've been studying it for years and I just haven't realized it until Li brought it up. So, my school is basically at a level where everyone knows the jists (sp?) of God and Christianity. If I walked up to one of my friends or classmates, most of them would say they were Christian or believed in God. If I questioned them further like say, "what is the purpose of your life?", they wouldn't know what to say. So, basically at my school, their belief in God is skin-deep and only in their brains, not in their hearts. In the past couple of days, I walk down the hallways and I look at so many individuals and ask myself, "what do they live for?”. There is a deep pain that comes back as an answer when I question this and it bothers me a lot. ahhh. I've also just started reading Jeremiah in my Bible and starting to really try to learn from it and yearn for God. As you probably know, Jeremiah talks about judgment upon the Israelites and uh, yeah, that just started getting me even more bothered and pained. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with it yet, but I’ll find out.

I also find revelation. . .so, with the messages, I go back to my life. I try to figure out my future (such as college) and questioning certain desires that I have (such as guys, sports, and books). I think I chase so much wind when I pursue worldly things, because they seriously do not satisfy. Chase after God instead! Ok. . .

Books. . .I read romance books (like Twilight) sometimes (I don't like them, but I read them sometimes), and I find that nothing every satisfy my heart except for God. I am so disgusted with romance books that girls pursue these days because they make them feel emotions that are just a "vapor" and make you expect things that really doesn’t happen. ugh. yeah, so disgusted. not going to say anymore, I think you get the point. If you wanted to know: there are certain books that get my attention, the ones that make you think and good for you, but that's basically it. I don't think I’ll ever stop reading, but I’m careful with my choices now.

Guys. . .haha. such an interesting topic to all girls at this age. Wow, so complicated. Bottom line. I’m afraid to be alone and the battle continues to fight for my emotions about a guy and how those emotions need to be replaced by God’s love. . .

Sports and showing off. . .I don’t get the point of it. Yes, there is something about being healthy for the sports part, but the competition part I don’t understand. Don’t get me wrong, I love competition, but it seems like chasing after the wind too. So much goes into it, but little comes out of it. Yes, there, may be a bit of victory and glory emotions in there but that goes away so quickly. Really no point. Nothing satisfies but God. Oh, just so you know, I’ll still be playing sports and being active because I enjoy that a lot a lot, but the competition part, is not going to be so prevalent in my life anymore.

College, the big decision that has been bothering me for so long now. . .so yeah, college. I’ve been praying about it for a long time and at MTC I really wanted it to be revealed to me what I should be doing with my life and which college I should go to. Haha. Weird way of getting an answer. It’s like that analogy that David Sliker made about the father and son talking about planning a birthday part for the son. I get to decide where to go. So, yeah. I’ve decided. English major with Education minor. Applying to NYU and U of I. God has given me such a passion for English and language in general. For those who know me know, they know I cannot stop reading and I can’t stop my passion for learning languages (mainly Chinese and French). I find so many enjoyable things in it, even if it’s just grammar and analyzing passages. I can’t stop enjoying it. As for the Education part, teaching is something I enjoy so much, I don’t think I’ve realized that until just recently. Kids, haha, yeah, I don’t know. Sure they’re cute, but I don’t have that much of an obsessive-ness over them. I just know I have a passion that I can’t explain with them. I’m pretty sure these three passions are all from God. So my journey has ended with what I’m going to do with my life, sure I’ll still be open-minded, but my journey has ended for now.

So yeah, those are the things close to my heart right now. It’s personal, yes, but I needed to share my burden with someone besides God because it helps to do it physically. Wow, this whole post sounds so depressing, but it’s just my mourning about the world, myself, and my relationship with God. Now I just have to worship, think, read the Bible, and talk to God.

There's so much more to say, but this is as far as I have processed and dare to say on here. If you want to hear more, just ask. Hope God has moved your life in a way like it has moved mine. God Bless!

wow, i'm so happy today! All my life since first grade i've been wondering, "Where is my best friend Milie Fang at now?" I've been pondering this question for at least 10 years now. And the answer to my question was revealed today at a tennis match!!!

wow, i can't believe this happened today! so, i was playing a tennis match against Hoffman Estates and i noticed in the court next me was a girl called Milie. When i noticed this, all the questions about my best friend came back to me, so i started to wonder if the girl really was her. I asked the opponent I was playing about the girl and she said her name is Milie Fang. I said, "WOAH!!! That's my best friend from first grade at Schaumburg Christian! Milie left the school at second grade so I never heard from her again." After the match, I walked over to Milie and introduced myself and she remembered me!!! I was so excited and so was she!

I feel like I can talk to her about anything and everything!!! It's like we haven't been separated for ten years at all, but best friends for all our lives. We have so much to catch up on!!! ahhh! I'm so glad, I could probably cry right now!!! My excitement, happiness, and joy is overwhelming!!! God has blessed me so much today!!! Thank you Jesus!

 

Right now she is not a strong Christian and I pray that God will lead her to Christ. PRAY HARD!!! She is searching for a church and feels the need to go to church so I have invited to her to youth group. PRAY!!!